When Cooped up in the House
by Pan Vera
I hear from people all over the world that being cooped up with people you love is wonderful at first. As days and days become weeks and weeks, life turns tense. What were minor foibles the hardly seemed important, as the time drags on, become intolerable. Divorces around the world are at all-time highs during this Pandemic. Click on the links below for more detail on these tools created by my teacher, Dr. Marshall Rosenberg he called Nonviolent Communication (NVC).
Life Alienating Communication takes up all of the air space…judgments, criticism, analyses, blame, and shame tear people apart. Then demands adds to the disconnection.
What if I told you this could all be another way? With LifeServing Communication, your family can transform difficult interactions. Imagine your family sharing how they feel and what they need with empathy and replacing demands with clear negotiable requests until connection is reached. With these skills, you can come out of the period of being cooped together as a stronger and more loving family.
Practice Healthy Observations Not Judgments. Learning to make observations dramatically increases happiness for everybody. Notice how you feel after reading each quote. “You are such a slob! Didn’t you learn how to put your clothes in the laundry.” vs “I noticed your clothes on the bathroom floor.”
Share your Feelings. Not “You make me feel awful” but “I feel frazzled.” Turns out everybody knows what frazzled feel like, so they connect with each other automatically.
Share your Needs; Such as connection, honesty, meaning, spiritual communion, physical well-being, and, autonomy. All of these needs, and many more, are shared by every human being. They don’t need to be explained because we all have the same needs. Don’t confuse strategies with needs.
Once you’re connected on all of these levels, it’s time for the magic of Lifeserving Requests. There are clear, easily doable and recognized when fulfilled. These are not about getting what you want, but about creating a level of connection so the other person enjoys supporting each other.
Here is a two-page overview. Let me know how it works for you.
If you would like personal coaching to use this process, I am available for affordable Zoom sessions right now (and in person sessions when life returns more to “normal”). 802-356-5358, or email: firstname.lastname@example.org.